Determine Your Definition

The first assignment in my dual credit public speaking class my senior year of high school was to give an introductory speech about yourself by using an item that represented you. Most people did footballs or personal items, but I used a dictionary. I discussed how it was reliable, forever growing/improving, and it was definitive.

“Definitive” was the key word, and it took up a majority of my whopping three-minute time limit. I think dictionaries are fascinating because they are composed of thousands of definitions that were created by someone, somewhere, who created an object/word and then communicated it’s definition to such a wide range of people that when someone sees that object, they associate it with that definition.

I think it is pretty profound because that is exactly what I strive to do for myself. I strive to define myself and then communicate that definition to a wide demographic so when someone hears my name or sees my face, they associate me with my definition.

For example, when people think of Caitlin Schaefer, I want them to think of me as warm, yet competent. I want them to think of someone who is genuinely kind, yet and undeniable powerhouse. I want them to think of someone who always pulls through on what they say they’re going to do. I’m not kidding when I say I think of my definition every morning and ask myself, “what can I do today to communicate my definition?”

I thought about this a lot my senior year of high school, and I really think it helped me make decisions that ultimately got me to where I am today, because I made decisions and treated others in a way that aligned with my definition. But I also realized I had been defining myself my whole life.

I distinctly remember the first time I established part of my definition. I was literally in the second grade. I remember getting off the bus, it was probably my second or third day of school, and my mom asked, “How are you liking second grade?” I can still feel my little body sighing as loud as possible and then wailing, “I HATE school. It is so stupid!” *imagine a whiny kid voice. *

What my mom replied wasn’t revolutionary in the history of parenting, but I still replay it in my head regularly. “Interesting” she replied, I always loved going to school. The chance to get smarter everyday was always something I looked forward to.” And she went about her business. That was it. But from that moment on, I decided I also loved school. Now at the time, it was because I wanted nothing more than to be an exact clone of my mom. If she loved school, I loved school. If she thought long, rufflely socks with sandals were cool, I thought long, rufflely socks with sandals were cool. However, I took this mindset with me every day that followed. I would wake up looking forward to the school day. I defined myself as someone who valued the opportunity to learn. Thus, I worked hard in the classroom to make that definition known.

I was asked to speak to a group of younger students at their Fraternity and Sorority Life New Member Day about how to make the most of their time in their fraternity or sorority, and then I was asked to discuss how to take that experience out into the community. It was a particularly busy week for me, so I knew I was about to go up there and completely wing a speech. And I did, but I did talk about this definition concept. Here is what I told them":

“Your age does not define you, your gender does not define you, and your experience does not define you. The only thing that defines you is the definition you give yourself.” So I ask you, how would you like to be defined? Do you want to be known as the person who is always trying to spread kindness? Someone who is a friend to everyone? How about the person you can always rely on to do what they say they are going to do?”

Knowing how you want to be defined can literally change your college experience because once you know your definition, you can start communicating that definition to others and make decisions that align with how you want to be perceived.

It’s also important to define yourself because what happens if you don’t? Other people will create their own definition for you. Just like I told those new members, if you don’t define yourself, someone else will.

Here’s what I mean. Think about an activity you participate in now… let’s say sports. If I asked, who is someone on your team who doesn’t try as hard as everyone else? Who is someone who seems like they would rather be anywhere else? Would someone come to mind?

Why is that?

…

Because they didn’t show up each day, because they didn’t give their all, because they weren’t a team player, you gave them the definition of being lazy and unmotivated. 

Now, let’s reverse it. What if I ask, who is someone on your team who is a complete all-star? Who is someone who is competitive and puts in the work in every day? Would someone come to mind?

What do they do that makes you give them that definition? 

I know I don’t have to tell you how to communicate a positive definition, but I do want to simply encourage you to create your own definition before someone does it for you.

            Now, thinking back to New Member Day, telling a group of freshmen to determine their definitions can cause a little hesitation. I’m 25 years old and I still find myself making edits to my definition. But that’s exactly the point. The meaning of words are constantly changing. Think about it: “lit” doesn’t necessarily mean to illuminate any more, and “woke” doesn’t always mean “to awaken from slumber”. Definitions change, and yours will too.  

So, what do you want to define you? What do you want to be known as? Do you want to be known as an innovative thinker? What about someone who is a perfect blend of poised yet vibrant? How about someone who makes you feel safe in all conversations?

Establish your definition and how will you communicate that definition using this worksheet.